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I hadn’t gotten any, and certainly not anything good, in a long time. Lying to myself about my sexuality probably had something to do with it. The town was kind of backwards about certain things, and being gay was a big deal. No one, not a single person I could name, was actually out. Especially back in high school. It was all downcast eyes and sidelong glances and hands groping uncertainly in the dark, and then once it was confirmed it was urgent and needy, a quick messy fuck in the boys’ room. Sometimes one of them would have a black eye the next day, or not show up for a week. Not that I ever got involved in it. I thought about guys a lot, but I kind of liked girls too, so I managed to hold myself over with them and convince myself I was really a straight guy plagued by uncalled-for thoughts, which I occasionally gave in to and let myself jerk off to, but definitely only by accident. In school, I just spread the rumors about what I’d glimpsed in the boys’ room like a good, cruel. Just hold me like you did when we were young..’ And I did. She had always wanted to be comforted by physical contact. ‘Michael.. Promise me something..’ She said. I could hear a bit of sadness in her voice. ‘What is it?’ ‘Promise me you’ll always be in my life.. I’ve known you since the first grade.. You’ve always defended me, even back then. If I were to lose you, then I wouldn’t have anything to live for… Please..’ I could hear how sad she was. It’s true, I have known her for basically all my life, and I have defended her. I don’t know why I’d leave her. ‘I promise, Erin. I’ll always be in your life no matter what.’ ‘Even if you get married?’ She asked slyly. My answer would be very important. ‘Get married? Why would I do that? I’ve already got a great cook, someone to talk to, and we already live together. I’d say it doesn’t get any more married than that!’ I said, half way joking. It was true, though, now that I thought of it. She and I were already living together, we told.
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